More than 50 Funny Weed Quotes

Welcome to the world of funny weed quotes, where laughter and cannabis go hand in hand. Whether you're a seasoned smoker or just curious about the hype surrounding the beloved Mary Jane, there's no denying that the topic of weed has been a source of joy, humor, and cultural fascination for decades. From famous stoners like Snoop Dogg and Willie Nelson to iconic figures like Hunter S. Thompson and Thomas Jefferson, everyone has their own unique take on the herb. In this blog post, we'll explore some of the most hilarious and memorable quotes about weed that are sure to give you the giggles and make you appreciate the lighter side of this mind-altering substance. So sit back, relax, and get ready to laugh your way to a higher state of mind with these funny weed quotes.

Weed Quotes from People You Might Recognize

1. "The biggest killer on the planet is stress and I still think the best medicine is and always has been cannabis." - Willie Nelson
2. "The illegality of cannabis is outrageous, an impediment to full utilization of a drug which helps produce the serenity and insight, sensitivity and fellowship so desperately needed in this increasingly dangerous world." - Carl Sagan
3. "Herb is the healing of a nation, alcohol is the destruction." - Bob Marley
4. "Weed is a natural route to the love, peace, and happiness that many seek." - Kumar Go
5. "Marijuana is a basic staple of life, just like food and water. It's a source of joy and good vibes." - Seth Rogen
6. "Marijuana smokers are the nicest people. They're your closest friends, your grandma's boy, and your first fucking person to lend a hand." - Bill Lee
7. "I smoke weed because it's my drug of choice. It's my equivalent of a forest." - Andy Warhol
8. "The cannabis culture is one of the best ways to bring people together. It's a great idea to share a big fat bowl with your closest friends on the back veranda." - Hugh Hefner
9. "I don't always smoke marijuana, but when I do, it's to get good vibes and to have a better night than White Castle could ever provide." - James Franco
10. "You smoke marijuana, and you get high scores on college entrance exams. That's absolute proof that marijuana is one of the better things in life." - Bill Hicks
11. "I don't always smoke weed, but when I do, I make sure I'm on a starship to the next galaxy." - Morgan Freeman
12. "Marijuana is not addictive. If it were, I would have been stoned for the last 60 years." - Rick Steves
13. "When I'm high, I'm in my finest hours. The weed chills me out and I get really pleasant things done." - Martha Stewart
14. "Weed is the perfect nightcap. It's the next best thing to a hug from your closest friends." - George Washington (probably)
15. "When you smoke a marijuana cigarette, you're not hurting anyone. Unless you're an officer rabbit." - Pedro de Pacas (Cheech and Chong)
16. "I smoke marijuana on a regular basis. It's my brain's way of telling me I'm a good man." - Jay Leno
17. "Weed is the equivalent of a blood type for me. It's the first thing I think of when I wake up and the last thing I think of before I go to sleep." - Snoop Dogg
18. "The closest thing to mind-altering substance that I ever experienced was smoking marijuana." - John Lennon
19. "Weed smokers are the happiest people on earth. They're like hippie students who passed their college entrance exams." - Louis Armstrong
20. "The possession of marijuana is not a good reason to be thrown in jail. It's a good reason to sit on the back veranda with your closest friends and smoke a big fat bowl." - Barack Obama (probably)
21. "Marijuana is not a drug, it's a plant. So therefore, it's not addictive...except for the all the times you can't put it down." - Neil deGrasse Tyson
22. "I used to do drugs. I still do, but I used to too." - Mitch Hedberg
23. "I smoke weed to help me relax and open up my mind, and to expand my thinking, not to escape from reality." - Snoop Dogg (wink, wink)

Weed Quotes with Unknown Authors

1. "I'm not addicted to weed, we're just in a committed relationship." - Unknown
2. "I don't always smoke weed, but when I do, I forget what I was going to say." - Unknown
3. "I told my wife I was going to stop smoking weed. She said, 'Who is this?'." - Unknown
4. "Why did the stoner cross the road? To get to the other high." - Unknown
5. "The only time I feel alive is when I'm smoking weed." - Unknown
6. "Weed is not a drug, it's a plant. Therefore, I'm not a drug dealer, I'm a florist." - Unknown
7. "I'm not saying I'm Wonder Woman, I'm just saying no one has ever seen me and Wonder Woman in the same room." - Unknown (but probably high)
8. "I was going to quit all my bad habits for the new year, but then I remembered that nobody likes a quitter." - Unknown (but definitely stoned)
9. "I don't have a problem with drugs, I have a problem with sobriety." - Unknown
10. "Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing." - Unknown (definitely high)
11. "I don't always smoke weed, but when I do, I prefer to be high." - Unknown (with a nod to the Dos Equis guy)
12. "When life gives you lemons, smoke some weed and make lemonade." - Unknown
13. "Why is it called 'getting high' when you're really just getting low and lazy?" - Unknown (but probably hungry)
14. "I don't know if weed is the answer, but it's worth a shot." - Kevin Smith
15. "I told my doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places." - Henny Youngman (but he was definitely stoned)
16. "The only way to deal with fear is to face it head-on...and smoke some weed." - Unknown (but it sounds like good advice)
17. "I don't always smoke Mary Jane, but when I do, I prefer the whole bag."
18. "Thomas Jefferson may have written the Declaration of Independence, but he didn't know the true joys of smoking a joint."
19. "Bob Saget may have played a wholesome dad on TV, but I bet he's secretly a joint man."
20. "Hunter S. Thompson once said, 'I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, violence, or insanity to anyone, but they've always worked for me.' Clearly, he forgot to mention Mary Jane."
21. "High today, gone tomorrow - that's the beauty of weed."
22. "If Thomas Jefferson were alive today, he'd probably be hitting the Pineapple Express."
23. "Medical marijuana is the United States' best-kept secret - and I'm here to share it with the world."
24. "They say marijuana is the most dangerous thing out there, but have they ever tried alcohol?"
25. "Marijuana may be addictive, but at least it won't give you a hangover."
26. "Looking for a good caption for your next Instagram post? Just add a funny saying and a joint, and you're good to go."
27. "If you're ever feeling down, just remember that there's always a perfect night waiting for you on the other side of a joint."
28. "High school was never this fun until I discovered the joys of Mary Jane."
29. "Famous people have been smoking weed for centuries - it's about time the rest of us caught up."
30. "Arnold Schwarzenegger may have been Mr. Olympia, but I bet he's no stranger to a good joint."
31. "If you're worried about privacy, just remember: there's always a next time to get high."
32. "Being a hippie student isn't so bad when you've got Mary Jane on your side."
33. "Martha Washington may have been a founding mother, but she was also a founding member of the 'I love weed' club."
34. "Red eyes may be a dead giveaway, but they're also a badge of honor for every stoner out there."
35. "Brain damage? Not from smoking weed - more like from watching Star Wars on repeat."
36. "Green herb, black Sabbath - who says you can't enjoy both at the same time?"

Our Favorite Weed Quotes from the Pineapple Express Movie

1. "I'm not a doctor, but I'm pretty sure if you don't let me smoke this entire joint in the next 30 seconds, I'm gonna die." - Saul
2. "Thug life, it ain't easy." - Red
3. "You just got killed by a Daewoo Lanos, motherf*cker!" - Dale
4. "You don't know what it's like to be in a cage, man. You don't know what it's like to be hunted." - Red
5. "I'm just a caveman. I fell on some ice and later got thawed out by some of your scientists." - Matheson
6. "It's almost a shame to smoke it. It's like killing a unicorn... with, like, a bomb." - Saul
7. "I wish I had a job like that, where I could just sit around and smoke weed all day." - Ted Jones
8. "This is like if that Blue Oyster sht met that Afghan Kush I had and they had a baby. And then meanwhile, that crazy Northern Lights stuff I had and the Super Red Espresso Snowflake met and had a baby. And by some miracle, those two babies met and fcked... this would be the sh*t that they birthed." - Saul
9. "I know, like, every cop in the city. They respect me." - Dale
10. "They're like little baby carrots." - Matheson